The Lord of the Kinks

We take on a unique and humorous exploration of the kinks and desires of the beloved characters from Lord of the Rings, exposing layers within the story and adding a fun twist on their personalities. Join us for an engaging dialogue about what makes these characters tick, both in their epic journeys and intimate lives.

• Introduction and disclaimer about episode's content 
• Kicking off discussions with Frodo’s character and significance 
• Insights into Gandalf’s interests and relationships in Middle-earth 
• Aragorn and Legolas: Analyzing their secret kinks and dynamics 
• Diving into the darker characters: Antagonists’ unexpected desires 
• Fun debates on relationships and hidden kinks within minor characters 
• Audience engagement on character interpretations and relationships 
• Hints about future episodes focused on other pop culture universes 
• Encouragement for listeners to subscribe and join upcoming discussions 

Chapters

• 0:22 Episode Disclaimer
• 2:00 Introduction to the Special Series
• 3:50 Kicking Off with Frodo Baggins
• 8:00 Exploring Gandalf's Secret Kinks
• 10:30 The Truth About Aragorn and Legolas
• 15:00 Hobbits, Dwarves, and Dirty Talk
• 25:00 Major Antagonists’ Kinks Explained
• 45:00 Other Key Characters: Kinks Revealed
• 1:05:00 Wrapping Up with Final Thoughts

Transcript

Speaker 2: 0:22

Before we begin today's episode of the Black Curtain Club, we would like to share a quick disclaimer. The views, opinions and statements expressed by the hosts and guests on this podcast are their own personal view and are provided in their personal capacity. All content is editorial and opinion-based, intended for entertainment purposes only. Listener discretion is advised for entertainment purposes only.

Angie: 0:46

Listener discretion is advised. Hey there and welcome back to the Black Curtain Club. I'm your host, angie, and today we're kicking off a brand new special series all about pop culture with a twist. Now we know you've been dying for something different, so hold on to your cloaks, because today we're diving into the world of mythical characters, epic quests and kinks.

Becca: 1:07

That's right. We figured why not kick it off with the Lord of the Rings, the characters we all? Know and love, but with a little, shall we say, extra dimension.

Angie: 1:16

Becca, I've got to say you're the perfect person to dive into this. You've spent more time in Middle-earth than I've spent watching Dexter and Game of Thrones combined. Guilty as charged, and speaking of being well-versed in Lord of the Rings lore, we've got a very special guest today Kyle Powers, the only other person I know that can duel Becca in an epic battle of Lord of the Rings knowledge.

Becca: 1:40

This is going to be so fun.

Angie: 1:42

So Kyle's joining us today for the ultimate kink off. One kink to rule them all, one kink to find them, one kink to bring them all and, in the darkness, find them. My God, I love it. So get ready, folks. We're about to get creative with our favorite hobbits, elves and wizards. And remember, this is all in good fun. No judgment, just a little Lord of the Ring exploration to brighten your day, kyle. Welcome to the Black Curtain Club. Hey, that me.

Kyle: 2:10

Hello.

Angie: 2:14

Whatever, I love it. So, kyle, I love it. So, kyle, please tell our listeners a little bit about yourself. How deep does your Lord of the rings knowledge run, and are you truly prepared to duel becca for middle earth's kinkiest crown?

Kyle: 2:34

deep enough. I probably should have a safe word, but I don't know if I'm gonna actually use one. I mean, let's see. I mean, what the fuck else am I gonna do? I mean, let's see.

Angie: 2:44

What the fuck else am I going to do? Okay, so, kyle, is there anything that you want to tell us about yourself?

Kyle: 2:49

Well, what do you want to know? Because I'll tell you pretty much anything if the price is right. That's a joke. Let's see. Let's see Self-diagnosed super mega nerd that whenever he gets a really heavy case of the boo-hoos he just puts on lord of the rings. If that's any type of fun information anyone would care about or give a crap about nice uh, I've been cosplaying quote-unquote officially for I don't know, let's say five years we'll go with.

Kyle: 3:19

But I've always been obsessed with like halloween, if you count that as cosplaying. And I've always, even when I was like really young, like 10 years old, I always wanted to make my own costumes because I felt they looked better than the ones you would get at, like you know, at the costume store or whatever, and we had to save up to be poor growing up, so it was always cheaper, so we were able to get more better out of it from it. Um, aside from that, like any other millennial, I uh have aggressive adhd and so I can't stop. With all my various crafts and endeavors.

Kyle: 3:52

I've really gotten to leather working specifically, let's say like three years, three, four years, nice that's. That has actually been monumentally, I don't want to say, or has been enabling my love for Lord of the Rings a little bit more, because now I can get more accurate with some of whether it's just a costume or a prop or whatever it is, because there's so much more like leather and fabrics in that rather than foam, and I don't have the money or patience to get into like smithing. So leather it is to get into like smithing, so leather it is.

Becca: 4:26

I just want to say real quick too, like this is the perfect franchise for a cosplayer, because they did everything uh, practically even they, down to the chain mail. Every single little link was put in by hand like these people. They went all out with this movie. So I mean, I'm excited to get into this. I feel like you're the perfect person to go into this. But yeah, thank you all right.

Angie: 4:52

Well, let's begin. So for our listeners, just want to say we are basing all of our assessments on how these characters were presented in the movies, specifically, specifically, just to mention here, these are the extended editions, which everyone knows. Those are the only versions that truly exist. So let's begin. Facts.

Becca: 5:13

Sorry.

Kyle: 5:14

Tom.

Becca: 5:14

Bombadil. Sorry, Tom.

Angie: 5:16

Bombadil. So I have these characters kind of broken up into categories. We're going to go through the main characters, then we have the major antagonists and then some other key characters that we'll work through as you battle this out. So let's start with Frodo. Baggins and Beckett I'm going to turn it over to you. You are the home team, so you get first throw on. What is his secret key?

Becca: 5:41

Okay, frodo Baggins, he's an adult baby. You want to elaborate or do you want to let's see what kyle says yeah, let's see what kyle says. If kyle agrees, I don't need to defend myself, right?

Angie: 5:52

so, kyle, you're the visiting team, so what is your assessment?

Kyle: 5:56

uh, I really don't think there needs to be any type of debate. I'm pretty sure stevie wonder can see that he is an adult baby, exactly.

Becca: 6:06

No questions asked frodo wants to be fed, changed, carried around, exactly awesome well, this is off to a riveting start with two agreements.

Angie: 6:17

Um, all right.

Becca: 6:18

Next we have the big guy, gandalf for gandalf I will have to say xenophilia.

Angie: 6:27

And do you want to explain what that is?

Becca: 6:29

So that is somebody that has like a fascination with other cultures.

Kyle: 6:33

This one was. This was one of the few that was really tough for me Because I feel like there's a couple of them. I feel they would be into a lot of stuff, but I'm trying to see if I can narrow it. Like, without a doubt, this one's happening all the time, no questions asked, for this transformation. What is transformation? That is, for transforming or changing people into other people, objects or creatures. I feel like that would be his secret one, because that's kind of one of those like band magics. It definitely was a part of the black magics. Okay, so I don't know if this gets dq'd, because we did say specifically the movies. I just know that something like that one is kind of like a no-no and like dark magic that shouldn't be practiced by the wizards. So I feel like that's why that would be his secret is because, like, I literally can turn you like into a snake and like shove you up my asshole asshole oh, I mean xenophilia.

Becca: 7:31

He's obsessed with hobbits, he's obsessed with the dwarves and he's never hanging out with wizards. So that is, that's my defense for xenophilia. But I can absolutely see transformation that's also what's tough.

Kyle: 7:42

But I also feel like the xenophilia is because he just interacts with all the different races, because he is like, in essence, like a god. He kind of has to, so he's just everyone's friend. So I don't think he does it because it's turning him on.

Becca: 7:55

He does it just because he kind of has to like it's his job all right, I'll give you transformation, strictly because of the scene in two towers where he whips off his cloak dramatically to show he's Gandalf the White now.

Kyle: 8:08

I'll give it to you. And then he immediately Théoden, being like like thrown back in his chair by his majesty.

Angie: 8:16

Perfect, All right. So next we have Aragorn. I got boxed.

Becca: 8:23

So for Aragorn I did knife play, so like involving bladed weapons, getting a little freaky with that. That's 100% his thing.

Kyle: 8:30

Because we're going for, like, secret ones that no one was like. Oh yeah, they really are red Mm-hmm, obviously aside from Frodo, because there's literally nothing else that Frodo could be into.

Becca: 8:41

Exactly, you can agree.

Kyle: 8:45

You know, could be into exactly. You can agree. You know I'm right. No, because he's way too. He's way too nice. I don't think he'd be into night flight. He's way too much like a gentleman. I think his secret one is shibari. In my head he was out on a hunt one time this is kind of how I figured that it was or he was some creature, some whatever the hell, almost if it was like bounty hunting, that's what it was. So he needs to now bring it back to whatever the towns, uh, whatever. He was just tying it up and he realized, hmm, my trousers feel different when he realized that, like, as he's like lashing this deer or whatever to the back of his mount and whatnot, and he was just like, hmm, hey, arwen, come here real quick.

Becca: 9:17

See, I'm so glad you brought Arwen into this. So you would agree that, arwen, she knows him pretty well, right? I think so so tell me why, when she sees him in the woods with the halflings she like holds a knife to him, bro, because she knows that's her guide, that's what he likes. Count how many times this man is either pointing a knife at somebody or having one pointed at him. And tell me that I'm wrong. Knife play 100.

Kyle: 9:41

See, with that one I saw the meat. I definitely don't. I don't disagree that he's into that. Like there's a bunch of shit in here like like look me dead in the eyes and tell me that he ain't putting up the poop, shoot like a couple of times you know what I mean like, but that's not like his like main, that's like their main thing. So like I think he's, they've like, they've dabbled in that, like they've pretty much tried everything because they've been going at it for what? Like 70 years at this point or however, yeah, so honestly, they're probably looking at the same list we are and they were like all right, which one are we trying first?

Becca: 10:15

I just don't see her getting tied up who said it was her he's getting you know what sold. I'm sold, sold. He is getting. He's a little rope bunny he's a rope bunny.

Kyle: 10:37

Don't you ever say that about Strider, ever again.

Becca: 10:41

Kyle telling everybody that Aragorn's a rope bunny. If he wants to win that bad, I'll give it to him.

Kyle: 10:48

Makes me know the day after this airs I'm gonna get the most pissed off Viggo Mortensen in my fucking DMs. Thanks.

Becca: 10:54

Oh, I hope, I want that for you.

Kyle: 11:00

Anyhow.

Angie: 11:02

Are we calling it for Shabari?

Becca: 11:05

Yeah, I'll let him have Shabari, little rope bunny Aragorn.

Kyle: 11:08

Listen, y'all said it. I didn't say that.

Angie: 11:12

All right. Next up we have Legolas.

Kyle: 11:17

Okay, before we get into this full disclaimer, I am a firm believer that every single elf is wildly into orgies.

Becca: 11:27

We may proceed.

Kyle: 11:27

No notes. That's fair. Every single one like it's not even it's not up for discussion so legolas are we just going with orgies for both?

Angie: 11:35

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no they'll do everything, but like what's their secret one?

Kyle: 11:40

it's just. Everyone knows that all of the elves have seen each other naked. All of the elves genitals have smashed into each other numerous times.

Becca: 11:48

If you're going to get hate for calling Aragorn a rope bunny, I'm going to get hate for this one. Legolas 100% auto fellatio Yep, do you care to expand on that? I mean, he just looks like the kind of guy he's really into himself. He keeps himself like super clean, pretty and shiny and I can just see him like I could see him doing it. I just have no problem seeing that he sucks himself off.

Kyle: 12:25

He's definitely tried, there's no questions there. Yeah, I'd say that's got to be his um, like his deep secret one for sure. Because, like I'm looking at gunplay, because he's literally he's definitely the guy who's like, hey, stand there naked and let me, like you know, shoot the apple off your snatch. You know what I mean. He's definitely that guy. You know what I mean. He's definitely that guy.

Kyle: 12:46

You know what I mean. Like he's got.

Kyle: 12:48

he probably had Gimli at like full mass and said all right, put this on your pecker.

Kyle: 12:53

Stand there Like you know what I mean.

Kyle: 12:56

But I feel like anyone knows that because he knows he has that skill. It's not really a secret.

Angie: 13:02

It's too obvious. Yeah, that skill. It's not really a secret, it's too obvious. Is that your pick gunplay?

Kyle: 13:06

Long hair because of his severe daddy issues.

Becca: 13:08

Long hair. Freud would have a field day with that one. I mean you just gotta admit, Otto Felicio, that's just it. It's just it, I'm sorry.

Kyle: 13:18

I think the reason why I'm kind of tending to agree with you with this one is because I think not just Legless, I think orlando bloom is into that yeah, yes, and wilt. Literally every single orlando bloom character there ever has been has definitely tried to suck himself off yeah, I'm glad you agree that was easiest fight of my life.

Becca: 13:39

Orlando bloom is so into himself. Yeah, there was definitely some lonely times out on the.

Kyle: 13:43

Uh, the flying dutchman for those 10 years. Orlando Bloom is so into himself. Yeah, there was definitely some lonely times out on the Flying Dutchman. For those 10 years he couldn't go to shore.

Becca: 13:50

Oh yeah, you're right. Absolutely 100% Will Turner. For sure, otto Palacios. Well.

Angie: 13:59

All right, we're going to move on to Gimli Trampling, Trampling.

Becca: 14:04

Gimli wants to be stepped on, he wants to be tossed around, he wants to be crushed.

Kyle: 14:10

Nobody tosses a dwarf. Yeah, they do. Well, we already know he's into hairy women, so that one's out. I am going food play for him. He was way too excited with talking about the hospitality of the dwarves. The roaring fire spread meat off the bone. He was very excited about the meat and the bone.

Becca: 14:35

Really disappointed in you. I was hoping you would pick long hair, if only because of the little Galadriel nugget where she gives him three of her hairs Like I would have taken that Food play, nah Well.

Kyle: 14:48

I thought we were going for secrets and obvious ones aside from Frodo. So I was like Trampling.

Becca: 14:53

He wants to be squished. He gets squished a lot for somebody that wants to act like he doesn't want to be tossed about. You know he just gets thrown around like little rag doll. He loves it though. He loves it, man. You know I'm right. You know I'm right.

Kyle: 15:06

No, no oh come on trampling. I don't, I don't, I don't see, I don't see it. He genuinely was not. Do not throw me around, do not touch me the only other thing I could probably think of you don't think he would let legolas trample him? Absolutely not he was way too racist until the end of the third movie he's too racist to be trampled.

Becca: 15:32

You know what I can't? I can't justify food play. I'm sorry, I refuse to compromise. This is trampling, trampling oh, trampling Uh-oh.

Angie: 15:43

Oh God, am I going to have to decide this one?

Becca: 15:45

If you had done long hair, I would have taken it. But food play, Nah, no way Not. Kim Lee, son of Glowin?

Kyle: 15:50

I don't think so. He would not be able to get anything done. The dude would just be blowing his load every three seconds. The person with the shortest hair in the entire franchise? Mom doesn't count, because he doesn't have any. The person with the shortest hair is like what? Strider or Sam. Everybody else had full fucking mops, Everybody.

Becca: 16:08

Grambling. I think we need an Angie call. This is our first Angie call. What do you think?

Angie: 16:12

Man, this is a lot of pressure. Give me your one sentence argument for each. Each of you.

Becca: 16:18

The scene when the big war dog falls over on him and he gets squished. Yeah, he lets out a big sigh afterward. There's no way that was just relief. That was a different kind of relief.

Kyle: 16:32

That's funny, that's funny All right, Kyle, you're up.

Angie: 16:41

What's your last word on food playing? I'm just give me a minute holy shit.

Kyle: 16:54

I'm literally sitting there saying oh and the fucking horn falls on him. I hear him right now. Yeah, oh, it doesn't mean you changed my answer.

Becca: 17:06

I'm just saying Because he gets crushed by a guy and then he gets crushed by the warg and he's like oh too much for me, that was too much.

Kyle: 17:21

Oh my God, that, oh too much for me that was too much.

Kyle: 17:22

Oh my god, that's too much holy christ.

Angie: 17:26

So what's your? What's your last stand argument for food play?

Kyle: 17:28

yeah, I already gave that one. He was way too excited talking about the. Uh, the meat and bones, just the. Yeah, he just kind of just like a man. I got nothing. I'm still just. I can't get that scene out of my fucking head I know, I know I came to play you ruined that scene for me we should rename this.

Angie: 17:48

I can becca ruin the lord of the rings for everyone oh my god that was I'm gonna have to call an audible on trampling that was funny as damn right I earned that I'd like to thank the academy all right, let's move on to boromir

Kyle: 18:09

blood play.

Angie: 18:10

Slash knife play oh, he is coming out.

Kyle: 18:15

Just I'm just gonna uno reverse literally the exact same thing you did. Remember when he's there holding the Shards of Narsil and he cuts his finger. The noise he made. So good, I put clothed sex but I'm going to go with bliss. It was the sucking through the teeth.

Becca: 18:30

It was the Yep, oh, kyle, you got that one.

Kyle: 18:39

Frodo was the first. Like there's nothing else it could be For Boromir. That was the first like there's nothing else it could be for Boromir. That was the other one, instantly, no question that's perfect.

Becca: 18:49

Well played, sir.

Angie: 18:51

Blood plate Boromir alright, we're gonna move on to the three Sam, mary and Pippin, so let's start with Sam Sam.

Becca: 19:01

I put abduction, seduction, abduction, seduction. Yeah, I mean his whole role in the fellowship is because he was a little peep and tom right. He got caught by Gandalf, he heard too much and now he's roped into the whole fellowship too. Like this whole thing is just like an intricate kidnapping scheme and Sam being a good little boy and following his directions and keeping Frodo safe.

Kyle: 19:25

It's kind of hilarious, because when you said abduction and seduction, it was the same thing. It was the eyes he was giving Gandalf as he ripped him through the window, just thrown out on his back like oh no, mr Gandalf. I didn't hear anything.

Becca: 19:37

I wasn't dropping no eaves. I can see that.

Kyle: 19:40

I forget the one, but the one where he likes to watch his wife get banged.

Becca: 19:46

You think Sam's a cuck? Oh, he's a cuck.

Kyle: 19:50

Oh, not so much a full that was a different one specifically but just for this one specific thing alone. Not so much that, like I said, maybe I'm reading too into it Rosie Cotton dancing, rosie Cotton dancing thing alone. Not so much that, like I said, maybe I'm reading too into it.

Becca: 20:03

Rosie cotton dancing, like rosie watching her, seeing her having a good time, enjoying herself.

Kyle: 20:09

He was always watching her, seeing just she was always. He was protective of her sweet maiden of the golden ales and he goes hey, fuck off bud. But he wanted to see her having a good time, smiling, living her life and, if it, if it comes to her getting plowed by half the shire. That's, that's what.

Becca: 20:29

That's what he wants, sam will allow it. Um, yeah, I'll agree with you. Cuckold, he's a cuckold, little cucky.

Angie: 20:35

Sam didn't know you had a name, all right, mary. What do we got for mary?

Becca: 20:42

oh, mary's a big time. He's big into figging. He wants the little shaved piece of ginger right in his butt okay, full disclosure that that one was new for me.

Kyle: 20:53

I read that I was like what the that's a new one for me right, I just figure he's the troublemaker of the little group of hobbits.

Becca: 21:00

I could see him not only being into it but trying to get the others on board, like, oh, you've got to try it.

Kyle: 21:07

That part Exactly. I see him lying to them, though as a prank. I don't know if like try to get them onto it, but she's like, oh no, it makes it feel great, and so on, and now it's just like.

Becca: 21:18

That's why he's so hopped up all the time, though it's like his butt just smoked a menthol Like he's figgin', Mary's figgin'.

Kyle: 21:24

She's fizzed on menthol.

Kyle: 21:26

Mary's figgin'.

Angie: 21:33

Kyle, what do you have?

Kyle: 21:36

Yeah, he's figgin' I'll give you that. That is absolutely. He's the prankster, he's the jokester. So, yep, gotta agree with that one.

Angie: 21:44

Hell yeah. Yeah, I can on that one. No fight whatsoever. This is too easy. Alright, let's move on to Pippin Uniform fetish.

Becca: 22:02

Yeah yeah, return of the King. He gets that little suit of armor. You know he gets all excited. It gives him confidence. It's empowering, like he becomes a character in the movies after that point. Before that he's just kind of like the slacker.

Kyle: 22:15

He gets that uniform, he feels himself yeah, but I don't see him getting turned on like seeing Faramir like putting on his armor when he had, wasn't, he was charged to go retake oscilius. I don't see him getting turned like. I see him definitely coming into his own and feeling like a badass in that one and definitely having his more confidence and that's shaping him. But I don't see that being his he now, if he was, if he was going to get some, he would say hey, hey, the gambit stays on, like I can see him doing that. But I don't see him like hey, put this on. I don't see him doing that specifically. What do you?

Kyle: 22:52

think it is. I'm all ears. It's either going to be force feeding or he wants her to throw it on his face and ride from interest to minister Three days ride as the Nazgul flies, like that's what he wants. It's something with the mouth he had. He. He worried way too much about food. It is the only thing that's on his mind and eating and chowing and all of that. Now, whether he is forcefully feeding someone or someone's force feeding him. Now, whether he is forcefully feeding someone or someone's force feeding him, or he's literally just like just holding her on his face.

Becca: 23:29

For Lord only knows how long I'll give you forced feeding for Pippin. Yeah, he was watching those tomatoes, he was, he zoomed in on them, he was honed in, boy was bricked up. He's like let me sing my little song for you.

Kyle: 23:42

He was sitting there singing that song and then, all of a sudden, Denethor hears ting Den's a cup.

Angie: 23:51

All right, so now that we've gone through the main characters, we're going to move into the major antagonists. You all ready?

Becca: 24:00

for this. Yeah, these are my favorites. I pulled out all the stops.

Angie: 24:03

Okay so.

Becca: 24:07

Sauron the big bad Ah, he's, it's no secret. He's a voyeur. He doesn't hide it, he likes to watch. He has no form, but he can still be an eye Like.

Kyle: 24:19

That's all I'm gonna say he's watching everybody but Okay, okay.

Kyle: 24:22

so we're talking about that, sara, not the actual physicality of him in the very beginning of the fellowship I mean, you can if you'd like.

Becca: 24:29

He probably liked it.

Kyle: 24:30

Then too he'd probably like it then too I would say, when he's a physical, when he's a physical being chastity. When he's a giant eye, voy being chastity when he's a giant eye.

Becca: 24:42

Voyeurism Chastity, ooh.

Kyle: 24:43

Homie was, he was not fucking. He was way too obsessed with power and his own little fucking ring. Like it's me, me, me, way too self-centered. But he was literally so greedy Not like it's all about me, you have to get me off. Like I kind of feel. Like Elrond is We'll get to him in a little bit, um but he is literally so self-absorbed.

Becca: 25:06

He was like nobody can pleasure me, right? I agree, you know what? I'm not even gonna fight. Chastity 100 guy was too uptight. He's never got off in his life.

Kyle: 25:13

That's his problem people talk about pettiness and people always say the whole thing about like maleficent being so goddamn petty. You didn't invite me to your daughter's birthday so I I'm gonna curse the bitch Like no, no, no, you want to talk about petty. So much cruelty, anger and malice he put it into a fucking pinky ring and destroyed the world. Yeah, that's some petty shit.

Angie: 25:30

All right, so we're going to move on to Saruman.

Kyle: 25:34

He's humiliating.

Angie: 25:35

You think so?

Kyle: 25:47

He down humiliating. I don't know which one that is. Is that one on this list gonna have to give me the name? I don't see it. That's an invalid pick. My friend, we have no degradation kink on here. They give me the honorable mention for that one. His wildly overconfidence and his intense insults to gandalf when we find out that he turned into the baddie, obviously. And then just everything right there in the return of the king, what he was talking with greener and how he just you stick of horse and you didn't do this and you didn't do that, blah, blah, blah. And then backhands him in front of everyone, puts him in his place, calls him a weak cur. Come on, who calls someone a cur?

Becca: 26:11

you weak cur, you useless cur bitch slaps in front of everybody he also has one of the most satisfying deaths of any character I've ever seen too. Like the way he just gets crunched in the wheel and just like spins around to be on display.

Kyle: 26:30

Okay, not to be that guy. I tried to promise myself I wasn't going to be that Lord of the Rings person, but I'm going to Do. You know, Viggo Mortensen broke his toe. I'm kidding, but like all seriousness, like the scene of him getting stabbed in Return of the King was so much more intense when I finally saw the comments about how he told Peter Jackson that's not how people sound when you stab them in the back Like I fucking hate that. That was so. That's so gangster. That is the most baller answer ever.

Becca: 27:04

I've done this, trust me. What so for sarman? I put peccatophilia. It's the kink for breaking religious rules. I feel like he broke ties with the wizards to join the dark side. He's a bad boy, he just likes breaking rules. I feel like that made him feel a little naughty uh, I think kind of speaks for itself Branding.

Becca: 27:23

Ooh, branding, that's good for him, that is a good pick. But pectophilia, come on. He's breaking all his little religious rules. He's making his own little foundation, like this. Guy got on a power trip and he loved it.

Kyle: 27:36

Yeah, but at the same time though, like just because he was breaking, it was more of him just kind of being a bad guy, not so much like breaking the rules, not like oh, because he's the religious for him to do, it needs it, not just because they were rules had to be broken. I feel like back to feel it, it has to be specific rules you know what I mean. You're gonna get me on a technicality walking and I'm just like walking across the street, yeah but he literally like he's breaking all the wizard rules.

Kyle: 28:02

No, I can seriously though.

Kyle: 28:03

I can give you branding.

Becca: 28:05

Sauron, come get it. I can give you branding. If only for the way that they were doing the Uruk-hai and the orcs there at his little tower, I feel like branding absolutely. He likes to put his name on things and he wants people to know, like this is mine, I'm sending this after you. I get that.

Kyle: 28:20

The wicked man swear it has him cut his hand and give him the blood, oath kind of a thing.

Becca: 28:25

Yeah, yeah, he puts his mark on everybody he's talking to that's perfect Branding.

Kyle: 28:31

Yeah, brand recognition.

Becca: 28:33

Brand recognition. The white hand of Saruman Way ahead of its time.

Kyle: 28:39

Exactly, we didn't even fucking nobody else knew that he turned bad and Amar was just like.

Becca: 28:45

these arcs are not from Mordor yeah, the legendary Saruman and Uruk-hai collab exactly alright, now we've got the big one, everyone's favorite Gollum Smeagol.

Angie: 29:04

the man himself. What say you? Becca Scat play.

Becca: 29:09

Scat. Yep, I can just picture like you're walking by his room and he's just playing with poop in there, like I can just see it. I can see it so clearly. He's just playing with poop, he's just making little balls, little pyramids.

Kyle: 29:21

Is he doingids sexually or because? Is he doing it in a sexual manner, though, or is he just doing it because?

Becca: 29:28

I think it would be sexual for him honestly, like, just like the way he feels about himself and like his self-esteem. He would find his waist something to like, revel in, like, oh I'm so dirty. Look how dirty I am. Look at my skin.

Kyle: 29:42

Yeah okay, my brain almost almost right away went to loud sex, but I don't know if he's into that or if that's just him. I am, it's literally that that's literally the noise that was made in my head, like that's exactly what it was. Like that's what it is when he yells at faramir is the noise? He makes when he arrives, like that's exactly the noises that he's making, and then after that he just kind of like giggles to himself and then he's like Okay, I'll give it to you, loud sex 100%.

Becca: 30:27

I can hear it now Like it's so vivid in my imagination.

Kyle: 30:30

Thank you, See, that's exactly what you did to me with fucking Gimli. Oh, oh.

Kyle: 30:35

Heard it.

Angie: 30:50

Oh, okay, we're moving on to the witch king just hardcore bdsm.

Becca: 30:56

This guy does everything. He does knives, he does shibari, the sky is you saw his.

Kyle: 31:02

You saw that scene when gandalf is describing him to pip and they go into that. That was his red room. That's what yeah, that was like his rocky montage like oh, so, good, yes give it my number and he has his little fucking doms, his little doms, dressing him too with his fucking gauntlet he's putting his helmet on for.

Becca: 31:23

Oh fuck, the Witch King of. Angmar fucks hard. Yes.

Kyle: 31:29

Okay, okay. So secret time Ooh, like the top three, like most badass and awesome designed villains, baddies, monsters, whatever the hell you want to call the Balrog Witch King. I don't know if you guys play video games or designed villains, baddies, monsters, whatever the hell you want to call the balrog witch king if you guys play video games or whatever, but oryx from destiny, those are the coolest. But at the same time, though, he's just like a weird kind of zombified, less fire version looking of the balrog, so it's like a 50 50. Either way, those two are the most amazingly designed. It's impossible for you to be a good guy and look like either of them. They will never ever be seen as a good guy.

Becca: 32:06

And I mean, this guy doesn't come in on a horse, he doesn't come in by boat, this guy flies in with like a worm dragon. Oh, so good. So good.

Kyle: 32:20

BDSM, all the way BDSM, all the way BDSM the only other thing I could see him being into it's I see him doing vampire roleplay but still beating the shit out of his subjects. I don't know what. It is something about the poisoning with the morgel blade and he always had the cursed weapons. That seems very vampire for me. Is something about the poisoning with the Morgul blade and he always had the cursed weapons. That seems very vampire for me. But also he had the flanged Morningstar, which is just the most badass version of a flog, but even that was poisoned also, so it's like a 50.

Becca: 32:57

My other one for him was Amazonian, if only because I feel like the way Eowyn stands up to him and he's like no mortal man can get me and she's like I am no man, motherfucker. It moved, wish King could admit that it moved.

Kyle: 33:13

I think he looked into that in his life afterwards.

Becca: 33:17

Well, he didn't have a life afterwards it was like the last thing he figured out about himself.

Kyle: 33:26

It's his afterlife, Wherever they go afterwards. It was just like well, mark me down as scared and horny Stab and ditch Bondage or vampire.

Becca: 33:37

Just the way they dress him. You know what I mean. The way he has these people that are so domineering like he makes them stoop to dress him for battle.

Kyle: 33:45

That's what's kind of tough, so like the BDSM.

Becca: 33:47

That's bondage.

Kyle: 33:48

So to say, bdsm.

Becca: 33:49

specifically, it's just bondage, it's just the clear definition.

Kyle: 33:55

Angie, leave it up to you, no.

Angie: 33:56

I'm just a little disappointed.

Becca: 34:03

Nobody has said furry. Yet Just simply because we have like 27 more people, the night is young, we have like actual mythical beings.

Kyle: 34:09

I'm sorry, none of these people are furries in this section.

Becca: 34:13

Major antagonists. None of them are furries. It's just regular sex to them, not even Lurtz.

Angie: 34:21

It's just.

Kyle: 34:21

Tuesday.

Angie: 34:23

So I, based on everything that I've heard, I think there's a clear argument for just straight up bondage. Because he's into a lot of different things, I'm going to have to call it for bondage. I can. I can respect it.

Becca: 34:37

We can sleep at night with that one right. That's good enough. It's close enough. You cannot describe the witch king of angmar in one simple word. It's all of the above but I do.

Kyle: 34:45

But I do a million percent agree with what you said earlier, though that dude fucks like so hard?

Becca: 34:52

oh, you're wrecked.

Kyle: 34:53

Wrecked for any mortal man not even the cave troll could rip you open after that. Yeah.

Angie: 35:01

Nope, nope, absolutely not All right, let's move on to.

Becca: 35:09

Lurt's body paint. He could have had that white hand anywhere. Where did he want it? Put it on my face, daddy.

Kyle: 35:16

Lurt's body painting. Put it on my face, daddy. Put that white wall over there.

Becca: 35:20

Right on my face.

Kyle: 35:21

Oh daddy, put that white wall over there Right on my face. Oh shit.

Becca: 35:28

Lurtz is absolutely Saruman's good boy.

Kyle: 35:31

Exactly, but like. There's a lot of depth to Lurtz, which is funny because he says three things the whole time Find the halflings twice and roar, that's all his lines are. But he's so complex another one like, just very straightforward, like with like with golem rough sex. There's no way he's not biting and scratching and then just like gorilla, fucking you into existence. There's no finesse, there's's no foreplay, it's just you whole wiener. Now it's very caveman Lerts.

Becca: 36:06

No, make love, lerts, smash Exactly.

Kyle: 36:09

Lerts smash.

Kyle: 36:16

Yeah, there's no way around it In a good way.

Becca: 36:19

Just breaking you in like a new saddle.

Kyle: 36:26

Like a new pair of patent leather docs. Just you gotta fight through it.

Becca: 36:31

You gotta sleep in these shoes, so they mold to your feet. Alright, the mouth of.

Kyle: 36:36

Sauron. I think that one's pretty clear too.

Angie: 36:42

All right, the mouth of Sauron.

Becca: 36:45

I think that one's pretty clear too. Sensory deprivation.

Angie: 36:48

Oh yeah, what do you have, kyle? Sensory deprivation Sensory deprivation, kyle, what do?

Kyle: 36:54

you have. That's hysterical. Same thing that helmet no eyes, it's just a mouth.

Becca: 36:59

Thank you, oh fuck yeah, kyle. Sensory deprivation that, it's just a mouth. Thank you, oh fuck yeah, kyle. Sensory death.

Kyle: 37:04

That one's way too obvious. Yeah, he could have been anything. He's just a mouth. That's all he can do because he ain't got no eyes. That's just sex to him Face fucking is vanilla.

Becca: 37:13

It's not even a kink for him, it's all he's got.

Kyle: 37:17

I also feel like just for some dark magic he can still. The rest of his senses definitely were heightened from it. He can literally smell it with his big weird mouth. He could taste as horrendous as that is. Imagine coming from that guy. That's his thing. For sure he wants to hear and smell everything else.

Becca: 37:36

Roll around in it, yeah.

Kyle: 37:38

Yeah, oh yeah, absolutely. But no sensory, it's, it's clear as day, just the helmet alone so let's give it up for nazgul.

Angie: 37:45

What do you have, kyle, switch it up, let you go first what do I have?

Kyle: 37:50

uh, they are, without a doubt, the quintessential to the highest peak of subs. They are the minions of the witch king. They just do his, though they aren't the ones dressing him. They're doing his bidding like worse than the orcs. They just, they just live to please their master, for they're just doing everything that they're told, and they won't eat, sleep, stop nothing I think bondage is the closest we have to sub.

Becca: 38:18

So for nazgul, I hand fetish hand fetish yeah, they were like built in a lab to chase down that ring. Like they, they were locked in on the ring finger of every individual they come into contact with, like they're looking at hands.

Kyle: 38:33

They're looking at hands all day a lot of their intense scenes do involved, do involve their gauntlets, do involve like once again, it's one of the coolest. One of the coolest, most cinematically stunning scenes in the first one is that when the hobbits are hiding under the tree and he leans over, there's that close-up on his gauntlet, there's a close-up on them as they go walking in to the prancing pony with their but see, I think that's also the cinematographer, or Peter Jackson, admitting that they have a hand fetish, not necessarily the Nazgul.

Becca: 39:03

I think what makes it a secret is because they don't come out and say they're looking for hands. But we can tell by looking at them, just with our eyes, that these people are locked in on the digits Like they are looking at hands. They don't need to tell us, we know.

Kyle: 39:16

We can just tell Well, yeah, because they can't tell us, because all they can say is yeah, the horrifying fucking noise.

Becca: 39:22

Yeah, that's all they got. That means give me your hands. They have a hunger that only hands can satisfy. Yeah, but Definitely not tickling, no, I was going to say wouldn't that be something. If you tried to tickle one of them, you would die Like you would just be ended. They would not be abused. Turn to pony play.

Kyle: 39:40

Definitely don't piss on a Nazgul Impact play. Impact play Striking someone with various objects to create the sting or the thud sensation. They did not need to stab those pillows that many times. Every time they go to kill, they don't do any swinging motions in their fights. It's stabbing motions, it's lunges. There's a lot of that. The only one who actually swings is the witch queen, every witch, which king the rest of them, the nazgul themselves? Whenever they strike with their swords, it is in a stabbing motion I'll give you that.

Becca: 40:12

You know what I'll give you that way, if you thought my frodo one was obvious, wait till you. Wait till you hear my next one.

Kyle: 40:21

I'm excited for this one now.

Angie: 40:22

Now that we've gone through the main characters, the major antagonists, we are now moving on to other key characters, and this is the characters of Rohan. So first up we have King Theoden Human furniture Might as well have been a chair.

Becca: 40:38

Honestly, he did nothing. What did he do? What did Theoden do? Exactly. He's like I'm gonna pretend to be a lamp. You guys literally have a revolution about the folly of man. Without me, you have no power here. I'm a chair.

Kyle: 41:09

I'm a chair.

Kyle: 41:16

And she just like, leans back more to, just like. I will be an entire futon if needed. Oh, god, he choked me.

Angie: 41:27

That is on the list.

Becca: 41:28

He's very much. It reminds me of Slughorn in the Harry Potter movie, Like he's straight up just a chair. I don't know what I'm laughing at more.

Kyle: 41:38

The fact that he's just a chair, he's just a, or the fact that I said the same thing. I swear to God, I was like. It hurts, I'm going through it. It hurts me to say it because the speech he gives in the third one is I love Theron. He's like, he's just, he's the fucking king of romance. So he inspires his men and his men will fire to whatever end All of that. But then you really sit back and you realize he did absolute dick. Absolute fuck all In those movies except talk.

Becca: 42:16

He's a talker. They should have called him the mouth of man.

Kyle: 42:19

He was a the mouth of man he was a the mouth of man, the mouth of someone, but like he even admits it too, like it was not Theoden of Rohan who led our people's victory at Helm's Deep, he was like I'm a punk ass bitch. It's that fine ass man over there that yeah, he literally gave up Absolutely.

Becca: 42:45

Well, like when he thinks Aragorn is dead guy is just like, let's pack it in, that's all.

Kyle: 42:47

Yeah, that's that's right.

Becca: 42:49

That was our, that was our guy he doesn't even know about frodo in the ring. He's like man. Aragorn was our only hope. Let's all pack it in.

Kyle: 42:56

We're all gonna lose exactly same thing like that. He goes like what's it called? You still amir's lawyer to you. He will come back. He goes like man, that motherfucker is in the wind because you're not even you, you don't even want to try. Like right is middle earth. Like, honestly, how far, how far could?

Becca: 43:14

he be. It's not like he's even far away. Guy is just like down in the floodplains riding around on his little horse with his buddies. Like you could literally just like fly up a banner and he'll know like he's out in the yard, just let him in literally that you probably could have yelled loud enough and they would have seen. Hey, exactly hey, oh, come here, come here. Oh, come here, like, like, exactly like, come on, ayo mirror.

Kyle: 43:40

Like, exactly Like Come on.

Angie: 43:46

Well, speaking of Ayo mirror, let's move on to Ayo mirror. Pony play.

Becca: 43:51

He's a horse boy, pony play. Yeah, he's out there playing horses with his buddies. He's Pony Boy, his little flag with the horse on it. Him and his boys get together after a long, hard day of riding and they just braid each other's manes like he's pony boy.

Kyle: 44:05

They just long hard ride each other.

Kyle: 44:08

Yeah, I said knife play.

Angie: 44:15

Does he even own a knife? I know you all can't see me.

Kyle: 44:19

No, he doesn't. But I don't think it's specifically knife or is it all pointy objects, because his obsession with his spear won the precision. He yeeted that motherfucker and hit that dude dead center of his sternum, on top of the mummikill. There's that the fact that when they caught up with Aragorn, legolas and Gimli, all the spears came down without hesitation. He jumped right in front of all those little pointy sharpies. It was completely fine, cool, calm and collected. The way he was describing war and battle to Eowyn is just like there's something on the violence, the blood, the carnage, the actual bloodlust of war.

Kyle: 44:56

Not so much the blood side of it but, like I said, I would say more of the actual blade and sharp side of it, but, like I said, I would say more of the actual bleeding and sharp side of it.

Becca: 45:02

I'm woman enough to admit that you had me at pointy sharpies. This guy's absolutely knife. Play Pointy sharpies all day for this guy. Pointy sharpies Can't get enough of him.

Angie: 45:11

So are we in agreement that it's knife play Knife play, he got me. Alright, now the next. A1.

Becca: 45:16

Cross-dressing she, this one's obvious too Anyone Cross-dressing, she's straight up Mulan-zit.

Kyle: 45:23

Oh God, oh yeah, yeah, no, she does, for sure, 100%, I will say with a hint of brat. You think she's a brat? I don't know. I absolutely think she's a brat. I'm not saying she's a successful brat, but the way she was fighting everyone on everything, like the whole time. So I don't know if that's bratty or bitchy. I'm not sure. If there's like a line, she's just a bitch she's a bitch you can't cook. She's a bitch, you can't cook her fortunately that's not on the list.

Kyle: 46:03

I didn't remember seeing it, but no, but that's cross dressing.

Becca: 46:06

Hands down cross dressing hell yeah, I am no man, we said it before, we'll say it again and she slayed, she slayed. That was her like redeeming moment, because before that she's pretty much a fucking annoying character yeah, for sure all right we're gonna move in on into, on to grima worm tongue this one is layered.

Becca: 46:36

I feel like if it was just missionary he wanted from eowyn, it would have been easier to ask, which makes me think water sports. He wanted her to piss on him and didn't know how to ask. I was like second in command in her hometown, like so powerful, there's a reason he could just go up and say, hey, you want to fuck like it's because he wanted her to piss on him.

Becca: 47:00

I just settled that it's hard to put like just one it really is, because you know he's a little gimp, absolutely he is a little.

Kyle: 47:09

He is a little gimp, so like he's definitely going to be dressed up in like the latex and whatnot and like I don't know if it's like a mutual fisting or if, like, he's fisting her or like he's getting fisted, but like there's definitely some fisting her or like he's getting fisted, but like there's definitely some fisting going on.

Becca: 47:22

Well, you could argue that, like he is Saruman's little puppet, like Saruman's fisting him Exactly.

Kyle: 47:28

He is devious and like manipulative and just like evil enough that, like he definitely wanted to fist A.

Angie: 47:36

That was an easy argument Fisting wins.

Kyle: 47:42

I should get that as a t-shirt or a mug.

Becca: 47:44

Fisting wins, fisting wins, so you've got milk.

Kyle: 47:49

Fisting wins question mark. Fisting wins question mark.

Becca: 47:53

A just question my lord.

Kyle: 47:55

A just question my lord.

Angie: 48:00

Okay, now that we've decimated Rohan, let's move on to gondor and let's look at denethor. I think this one's gonna be really easy.

Becca: 48:12

Oh, never mind, okay, got me there what?

Kyle: 48:17

were you gonna say?

Becca: 48:18

food play. Absolutely the way this guy's eating his tomatoes, like there's no way it's dripping down his chin, he's just slurping it down. This guy's food play all day.

Kyle: 48:27

I think he's just, I honestly think he's just a slob. I really think he's just a slob.

Becca: 48:35

I don't know Like.

Kyle: 48:37

I was.

Becca: 48:39

I was so like confident in my food play until you came out with the fire play and all I could picture is him falling off the fucking cliff on fire.

Kyle: 48:52

Every time I watch that movie every single time. I watch that movie, I follow him down. I was like all right, how far can I follow him before I lose him? You can literally see his little body, Every single time.

Becca: 49:01

Oh my gosh, fire play. I can't argue against fire play that movie, that scene is etched in my brain.

Kyle: 49:08

he he walked. So he walked so far to set himself on fire. He could have just done. They could have done a million other ways to kill themselves. He's going to burn himself alive, so he's going to be coming and going at the same damn time coming and going. That's, that's perfect thank you, thank you for that oh, just the fire, though that he's just a fucking creep. He's just a fucking creep no, stop drop and roll.

Becca: 49:41

Yeah just gonna run.

Kyle: 49:42

No no, no, his is jump off and run literally three quarters of a mile.

Becca: 49:48

He couldn't give that fire more air, if he tried. Like he was his own bellows. Exactly exactly.

Kyle: 49:55

Air Jordan did. He could have hit himself off that bridge. No, he had to run all the way to the tree and make a fucking spectacle of it. Yep off that bridge? No, he had to run all the way to the tree and make a fucking spectacle of it too. All the way. The more fire, the better.

Becca: 50:04

I feel like the new logo is gonna be just like a flaming guy falling off the cliff Like fuck the tree, we're done with the tree. The trees hold noose. Remember when that guy fucking fell?

Kyle: 50:16

Remember that fun guy, a fucking steward or whatever. Yeah, also also a lot of that was. There was a lot of the you know the other things too. So it's like they had the fire beacons to let them know. Why not send out writers like how long do you think it took for all those other people? And like he made it so important that there's people who their entire lives, just those little shacks up on the mountains just to light a fire. Oh, I know this guy was obsessed with it yeah granted, and I mean probably that was granted.

Kyle: 50:47

It was his predecessor, yeah that was the old manager.

Becca: 50:50

Like he was still stoked. Old management. He's like this is perfect it was in his interview he's like you guys like fire. I fucking like fire.

Kyle: 50:58

Let's go, I'll be steward there's like the america's, there's like the book of secrets and whatever. It's like the gondor scroll of secrets. He was just like y'all motherfuckers, tell your homies how you need help yeah, I'm in and in the ultimate turn of events, he became the perfect beacon.

Becca: 51:21

nope, g Gondor calls great, their fucking guy just fell.

Kyle: 51:27

We'll call him a beacon of hope.

Becca: 51:29

Yeah, a beacon of something, A beacon of bacon maybe.

Kyle: 51:35

Beacon of bacon.

Kyle: 51:37

A bacon of hope. Then how about that Split the difference? We spent way too much time talking about Dett my gosh he's my favorite one to hate oh god he's. He is the worst out of the entire I'll say the entire franchise, including the hobbit and everything where he is the one character I absolutely fucking dread we feel about frodo man like it bumps me out.

Becca: 52:04

We have to spend so much of this movie looking at frodo's miserable mug, like god damn, there's so many interesting characters that like tom bombadil yeah, fucking, fucking tom bombadil, why not? Tom bombadil would have made a hell of a ring bear, and you could tell him.

Kyle: 52:25

I said that and you could tell him. I said that.

Angie: 52:30

All right, we're going to move on to Faramir Cuck, and I probably said that wrong.

Becca: 52:38

He's a big cuck, the biggest cuck I've ever seen.

Kyle: 52:40

No, but he's like he probably would, but I don't think it's his mane.

Becca: 52:44

What do you think his mane is? Lay it on me.

Kyle: 52:46

It's kind of. Once again, it's that other thing. I think he got really comfortable with this whole robin hood aesthetic so like. But like the hunting, stalking, the that's not one of them. So I'm no, that's the same thing I said against pippin. I almost said uniform because he's like the only other, like main secondary character or other key character. As we have been said, that went through drastic costume changes yeah, he straight up went from like robin hood to like.

Becca: 53:12

He straight up went from like Robin Hood to like this wonderful armor.

Kyle: 53:14

He went from Robin Hood to like King Arthur, to like noble peasant, to like kingly, kind of look like at the end of the movie. So he did extensive uniform but I don't think that's the same thing. I think that was more of like his own, his own self thing.

Becca: 53:29

Like I said before, I guess the argument confidence he'd like to look good his own self thing.

Kyle: 53:32

Like I said before, I guess the argument confidence he'd like to look good.

Becca: 53:33

But the argument could be made that when he's wearing his little Robin Hood uniform like that's fair and everything else like that he has to go through once he goes back to Gondor and everything like that, that could be, you know, that's like the persona he has to put on, but when he has this other uniform on, like that's yeah, other uniform on, like that's yeah, that's.

Kyle: 54:02

That's fair man.

Becca: 54:02

He's a hard one, I am he, he is, he is he's daddy's least favorite talking about like exactly.

Kyle: 54:06

So like he's gotta make up for it. So like it's probably like. Like don't get me wrong, I think it's probably like. Like, don't get me wrong, I think it's probably not going to be like anything like insane, like you're going to get yours for sure, but like it's probably not that loud. Most likely missionary doggy if he's feeling really frisky. You know what I mean.

Kyle: 54:25

But like he's going to get you all.

Becca: 54:26

He seems very like clothed sex to me also. I could see clothed sex.

Kyle: 54:30

Exactly Like nothing like super crazy, exciting, but like you're gonna get yours. But also hear me out on this one water sports in or golden showers, hear me I'm picturing the scene where they're dumping like the accelerant onto him Water sport.

Becca: 54:55

I'm sold, that's it.

Kyle: 55:00

He was practically declared dead. What brought him back to life? Oh, liquid dripping on my face, Hello whore, please.

Becca: 55:07

You know, oh, and it's his daddy doing it. That was extra Well, that's the thing though.

Kyle: 55:14

I don't think he knew it was his daddy. Like I think that would be like, oh no, he definitely had daddy issues.

Becca: 55:21

He definitely both of them did. Both of them did Denethor not a great dad, I'll say it.

Kyle: 55:29

Um, I'm pretty sure everyone's agreed Denethor not a great dad. Um, I'm pretty sure everyone's agreed yeah, because everyone's so offended by that.

Becca: 55:39

Yeah, it's going to be the divisive thing. Hey, we're going to.

Angie: 55:45

Alright, we're going to move on to Important Elves, so we're going to start off with everybody's favorite, Elrond Bondage no questions asked. That was quick, that was very quick.

Kyle: 55:57

Call me daddy. I want to be dad. He is master. You are tied up. He's got wax. He's got flogs. He's everything. You are crawling. Everything, just all of it. Everything, encompassing the entire list. He does everything and anything. He's 3,000 years old. He's done it all. He knows what he likes. Guess what he likes everything.

Becca: 56:15

In a similar vein I put caning only because I could see him just fucking railing on you and it wouldn't be like with the whip, it would sure be a stick. Like he would hit you with a stick. He'd make you go pick the stick.

Kyle: 56:29

He'd make you go pick the stick. Well, you bring it back to bad memories here. Wait, you bring it back to bad memories here.

Becca: 56:35

We know elrond. That's one thing you can say about us.

Kyle: 56:37

We know elrond, he didn't get under our radar he, just he, yeah with he, I would say, extruded the most sexual vibes in the entire franchise you just look at him, just like this guy. Yes, he's just. I'm not saying it's good, I'm not saying it's bad, it's just.

Becca: 56:55

You look at him, he's just like sex, something about it you know, I can live with bondage because caning is underneath that, but I definitely think he's making you pick your switch. And boy, don't you talk back to him. My god, don't you talk back to him exactly, exactly.

Kyle: 57:09

I would give you, I would give you caning if he actually did have like a scepter of some sort.

Becca: 57:14

He would write his name on your back in moon letters.

Kyle: 57:20

He absolutely would, a million percent would. He'd like hold it up to the light. Let me see my name. He's gonna yes, exactly A million, million percent.

Angie: 57:38

Well, that was pretty easy. I thought that would be a little bit more of a fight, but you guys definitely know Elrond.

Kyle: 57:44

Man's never been a bottom in his life.

Becca: 57:46

Never, not once.

Angie: 57:51

Moving on to Arwen.

Becca: 57:57

Definitely pregnancy fetish.

Kyle: 57:57

Who said that she's submissive and breathable? Yes, she is, she wants to be knocked up she yells at her father for his gift of foresight. You saw my son. She wants it so bad she's willing to live a mortal life.

Becca: 58:10

Yeah, knock me up, please. I'll give away my immortality.

Kyle: 58:16

I don't know if that's her actual like. I don't think she wanted to be pregnant, she just wanted him.

Becca: 58:22

I was really hoping for this, when you would say water sports, if only for the river scene, where it's literally water sports.

Kyle: 58:28

No, that was. Let's go to this she watches the Summer Olympics with the synchrony swimming and just fondles herself.

Becca: 58:37

She does pony play with her water horses.

Angie: 58:41

Pony play with her water horses.

Kyle: 58:43

With her seahorses.

Angie: 58:44

With her seahorses, or would it be enema?

Becca: 58:49

Oh, she could give you a hell of an enema, Okay so this is yeah.

Kyle: 58:53

She gave him what? Nine of them at once. Yeah, broke a record. Queening, I get Amazonian from her. She's a little too, Compared to the one and a half other women, she's much more dominant. She is In like a masculine, masculine assertive kind of way, as to where gladriel gives me the same vibes elrond does, but just more feminine and I will say the things that I don't like about eowyn is everything I love about arwen.

Becca: 59:23

Like there was no telling arwen. Like no, you're just a silly woman, go sit down. She was like fuck you, I'm gonna ride my horse away. Yeah, she's bad bitch.

Kyle: 59:31

I will agree with amazonian this is what I was gonna say when we're talking about eowyn. Like look me dead in the eyes and tell me that she did not help aragon tie up eowyn and then watch him rail the hell out of her like she watched the two of them get it on. That's exactly what happened. Like she's incredibly submissive to Aragorn but that's the only person that she will completely give herself to.

Becca: 59:58

Right, there's only one person she could sub for.

Kyle: 1:00:00

Anybody else, it would totally be Strider. Don't care.

Angie: 1:00:02

I mean, can we blame her?

Kyle: 1:00:04

No, we can't. What I'm saying is like, but for anybody else she is a thousand percent the dominant.

Angie: 1:00:19

So let's move on to gal galadriel back up.

Becca: 1:00:20

So let's move on to galadriel. She definitely. If anybody is a 24 7 power dynamic, I think that it's something that she never turns off.

Kyle: 1:00:28

Yes, domi, mommy, 100 so I would say yes, like I said, she gives me the same energy that elrond does. But that's where elrond will just like get you the towel and say clean yourself up. There's gonna be cuddles, there's gonna be caressing. She'll get up and make you a sandwich after oh, I don't think so.

Becca: 1:00:50

What hot take there? No way was she making you a sandwich. She'll shove that sandwich up your ass. Here's your fucking sandwich, nerd not submissive in a dominant way or dominant in a submissive way, but submission would have to come out in aftercare and that would be the only place that you get it. If I were to concede that, maybe she might be caring.

Kyle: 1:01:25

Yes, yes, absolutely that's what it is. That's what I was, that's what I was trying to say. Yeah.

Angie: 1:01:28

Yeah, I get you.

Kyle: 1:01:31

Like what's it called? Like Celeborn, Celeborn, Her husband. She's pegging.

Becca: 1:01:36

No questions asked A hundred percent, a hundred percent, she's full-struck.

Kyle: 1:01:40

But there's cuddling afterwards. There's a sense of I don't want to say beauty, because that just sounds horrendous but there is a I don't know. There's something about it. It's they're making love. That's what it is. I see that.

Angie: 1:01:52

So, speaking of Celeborn, what do you got?

Kyle: 1:02:00

Getting pegged.

Angie: 1:02:01

Pegging, pegging.

Becca: 1:02:03

I said nipple and you said nipple torture yeah, I like how similar we are with this one too. Is that not on there? Where did I get that? I'll go for cock and ball torture too, then. I really thought nipple torture was on there. Where did I get that? Oh, here we go, I got it, hell yeah breast see I have another guy pegged for cock and ball torture. So that's what, like I can't, in good conscious, give it to celeborn to actually you know what no no, uh, I'll give you cock and ball torture.

Kyle: 1:02:35

I think celeborn would absolutely want his his bits mashed around yeah, but but at the same time, though, I can see I can see all of them. I can see them having a weird like y and or triangle, like he's got clamps on both his that then also goes to his pee hole, and like she's just a little hug on it every now and then. So it's like all three get back in line.

Becca: 1:02:54

Seoul born, yeah exactly so, like any of them are I bet she makes him tuck it sometimes, like yeah, look at you.

Kyle: 1:03:05

Oh, absolutely, he looks like what's his name?

Becca: 1:03:06

you look like a woman exactly.

Kyle: 1:03:08

Would you fuck me, I'd fuck me, I'd fuck me, so I'd fuck me so hard, you'd fuck me so hard. Yes, that's him, that is him. And then there's him. He's putting on the lipstick too.

Angie: 1:03:21

Oh yeah, you all cannot see me, but I'm just sitting here with my head in my hands, this entire episode. Um, alright, he'll-. Oh, I'm sorry, let's move on to how dear he's.

Becca: 1:03:41

He's the other one I had for cock and ball torture, oh yeah absolutely so okay, I'll admit. Admit and this is very vulnerable for me Celeborn and Haldir I get mixed up. Is Haldir the blonde one from Two Towers?

Kyle: 1:03:59

Both of them are blonde, but you know what I mean, haldir is the one in the Two Towers who goes and fights and dies. He was also in Spartacus.

Becca: 1:04:07

Yeah, see, that's what I was going to say. He literally shows up just to get killed. And it's like he shows up just to like. Aragorn can be like oh my God, my homie from back in the day, and Legolas is like oh my God, my homie from back in the day, and then he just dies.

Kyle: 1:04:24

They tried to make him dying in the two towers like emotional. But like you don't, like you don't. The only emotion you have to him is he's a dick.

Becca: 1:04:33

I'm like who is this guy? Fuck that guy. Why doesn't he have a neck? No neck.

Kyle: 1:04:39

He's like who's who's, who's who's man's is this.

Becca: 1:04:45

He's literally. He has forehead, ears, shoulders, no neck. He looks really fat when he's dying, like he gets like a third chin and like really just floats up instantly like a corpse.

Kyle: 1:04:54

Let's put it this way I had more of an emotional connection to the Uruk-hai berserker who sacrificed himself to breach the wall than when Halder died.

Becca: 1:05:03

Yeah, I give more of a shit about the tree that dipped his flaming head in the river. This unnamed creature Breach the river.

Angie: 1:05:12

All right, we're're gonna leave the elves behind and we're gonna move into the Shire. So, Becca, I know you're kicking your little feet right now because we're gonna talk about Bilbo so I for Bilbo, I'll just come right out and say I put Gerontophilia.

Becca: 1:05:34

He likes older people, and that's because I genuinely have a feeling that Gandalf and Bilbo were like star-crossed lovers that were in love with each other for like ever, but they could never be together. I think that they are each other's endgame. Yeah, 100% Brokeback Mountain. Brokeback Mountain, yeah.

Kyle: 1:05:52

Brokeback Mountain, brokebaggins Mountain, broke his back again An erotic tale Broke his back again, conquering a hobbit's tale. An erotic hobbit tail which which it's gerontophilia.

Becca: 1:06:16

Okay, got it bilbo baggins I am not trying to rob you part where he fucking hits his forehead on the beam of bilbo's house. It's so funny and it feels like a scene that was part of the blooper reel, but they were like this is so realistic, this giant-ass man in this little hobble. Of course he would bump his fucking head.

Kyle: 1:06:42

Well, yeah because that was an outtake, he bumped his head.

Becca: 1:06:46

I don't know what he makes.

Kyle: 1:06:58

Oh yeah, that's probably the same noise he makes when Bilbo's giving a little toke on his old Toby. Oh yeah, I'm on board with that.

Becca: 1:07:14

He's into olden days hell yeah, gerontophilia all the way. I thought I was gonna have to defend myself on the bilbo and gandalf shipping that I've done in my own head what we, what do we have for rosy cotton dp? Oh, my god, rosie.

Kyle: 1:07:33

Cotton.

Kyle: 1:07:36

Rosie Cotton dancing Dancing on the dukes.

Becca: 1:07:40

I loved her so much.

Kyle: 1:07:43

I would go that she's. I'm so much that one, Not just double, not just DP, but I'm going gangbang. She is cuckolding him into gangbang. She's watching like half the Shire take their turns.

Becca: 1:07:55

Rosie, the community bicycle. I for her. I put cleaning Like mine was real, Like I think Sam worships her and he's just like I vacation between her thighs, Like she's cleaning all day.

Kyle: 1:08:06

I mean, I'd vacation between her thighs also.

Becca: 1:08:09

Hell yeah, Rosie Cotton.

Kyle: 1:08:12

How do you think? Think, listen, it's the same people who live there. It's all just kind of like a community thing, so on and so forth. How the hell do you think they were paying for that one tavern?

Becca: 1:08:19

they got there on the whole damn shire so you think, okay, all of these little communities, you just think they're all fucking all the time.

Kyle: 1:08:43

The elves the dwarves, the Shire, the Elves, the Elves, definitely are the Elves, and that's all Elrond's doing. Million percent.

Becca: 1:08:56

They fuck every single night. I could see elrond making a human centipede on exactly see them every single night now.

Kyle: 1:09:04

The shire isn't necessarily just fucking, they're just all fucking rosy, so that's a little different. They're not fucking each other, they're just fucking rosy. So that's a little different. They're not fucking each other, they're just fucking rosy. They're not stupid. That old Battleaxe, lobelia Sackfeld, exactly. You never expect it.

Angie: 1:09:28

Not the Sackfeld Bagginses.

Kyle: 1:09:32

Not the Sackfeld Bagginses, Not the Saxville Bagginses. That was battle acting Okay there was that one lady who had like nine kids. Okay, so that was Rosie's mom, probably.

Becca: 1:09:40

She was so pissed. Those are all Rosie's kids.

Kyle: 1:09:45

Exactly that's what it is. It's a line. Rosie's mom, she's so pissed. That was the old lady who lives in the shoe.

Becca: 1:09:49

Rosie Cotton double penetration. He's defeated me. I literally. She's such a wholesome character. She doesn't even have any lines.

Kyle: 1:10:03

Exactly All her holes are getting some. Exactly.

Becca: 1:10:08

She can't talk Her mouth's full.

Kyle: 1:10:13

She can't talk Her mouth's full. She can't. She says, she says what. She says like what. Two actual words in the whole movie. She says good night lads. That's it. Those are the only audible words you hear her say.

Becca: 1:10:28

I'll see you later.

Kyle: 1:10:31

Exactly, she's always like shooing people away. She's not dancing around seducing everybody with that absolute fucking banger at Bilbo's party. By the way, love that song, yeah, no.

Kyle: 1:10:44

That song 100% she's getting gang banged all the time Fucking hell, fuck and hell and.

Kyle: 1:10:57

Frodo's doing that dumbass thing where he like drops it low and stands up like hey, let me pick my pie can we talk?

Becca: 1:11:02

about that for a second. Why is he pop, lock and drop it at his uncle's birthday party?

Kyle: 1:11:10

his 111th birthday party, but he's the only person when they do that wide shot of everyone in the shire. You see him because he's the only one going up and down, just dropping down getting his eagle on girl, everyone else is like dancing, like summer medals, like how you should dance to that song and he's just like he does, he absolutely like drops it down and comes up with that fucking look on his face.

Becca: 1:11:34

Oh my god, I'm sweaty.

Angie: 1:11:39

Alright, we're gonna leave the shire, oh thank god it stinks in the shire.

Becca: 1:11:47

It smells like unwashed ass in the shire.

Kyle: 1:11:52

It just rubs his unwashed ass in the Shire. It just froze his unwashed ass.

Angie: 1:11:57

And we're gonna move on to other significant characters, and I'm almost afraid to say this name Treebeard Sounding.

Kyle: 1:12:08

Alright, hear me out, hear me out.

Becca: 1:12:12

Sounding All them trees were fucking. I'm'm just kidding, I think he's absolutely into sounding. I'm picturing like like avatar style shit where they like connect their twigs together and just like dock inside of each other like they're sounding oh, I thought she meant I thought you were gonna go.

Becca: 1:12:36

Uh, just loud sex too with his like yeah in the trees exactly god and the way they talk to each other like the creaking wood sound like when the trees are fucking get, get out of the woods. It's so annoying. That's why all the tree wives left they're like it's fucking annoying.

Kyle: 1:13:09

You know, like the excuse, like the night is. I got a headache was like they got the headache from it, like it was just foreplay and they were like Jesus Christ, I can't anymore.

Becca: 1:13:11

I didn't have a headache until we fought. I think they end up finding the tree wives, don't they Like by the shire?

Kyle: 1:13:16

That's in. No, that's not in the movies. I think that's in. It's a book. I think that's in the books. I think they do. I think, not being the trampling, just once again, just that one.

Angie: 1:13:37

I'm just like absolutely just A-Town stomping that one orc Crushing.

Kyle: 1:13:43

Maybe corseting. Corseting, shape-changing the bodies through breath play. I can get on board with sounding. I can absolutely get on board with sounding.

Becca: 1:13:53

Sounding. It's just. I don't know why. It was one of the things. When we first started talking about this Treebeard, immediately I was like, for some reason I'm thinking sounding Like. It just seems like. I think he like he delighted in the way the hobbits were crawling all over him and he's like man.

Kyle: 1:14:06

If they could just like crawl inside side, that'd be great I think wait, like that one that literally swallows them up when they're like drinking from that pool. They shouldn't they started? Yeah yeah, yeah like, takes him into, like his, like tree butthole or whatever yeah, see, trees don't sound the way humans sound.

Becca: 1:14:24

It's different. They like suck you in. It's not passive and moving on.

Angie: 1:14:32

All right, moving on to. Okay, so moving on to Isildur. There you go Hell yeah.

Becca: 1:14:42

So Isildur Isildur, I call him Boromir 1.0. He is. What would have happened to Boromir if he actually ended up with the ring in the first movie, l lactation. Just because I don't like him, then it seems like something weird to be into Lactation.

Kyle: 1:15:00

Yeah, boromir 1.0, lactation, because, like he wasn't held enough as a child or something right.

Becca: 1:15:06

There has to be something.

Kyle: 1:15:07

The way he threw himself after his father got yeeted. I can see that he definitely wasn't held enough trying the same thing like it's like that boromir thing he's like I want my mommy.

Becca: 1:15:15

I died as a section.

Kyle: 1:15:24

You know what? Yeah, I can see that specific like yeah, lactation, I could absolutely see that it's a left thank you.

Becca: 1:15:32

you don't know why it works, but it does yeah.

Kyle: 1:15:35

Exactly, it's just his face. It's his face.

Becca: 1:15:39

He misses his mommy or something. It's just something weird.

Angie: 1:15:44

Alright, we're going to move on from that. Alright, let's move on to Farmer Maggot.

Becca: 1:15:55

I had to fight. I wanted him on this list. We were going through and culling and I'm like he technically is not an on-screen talent. He is a sight that's all you see of Farmer Maggot, but you get such a vibe from him instantly. He's flogging you. He is fucking flogging you. You, he is fucking flogging you.

Kyle: 1:16:19

He was gonna beat their ass with the carrots like god damn asshole. Like he's shoving up and snapping it. Hold on food play. Hear me out food play with that carrot in all his crops. He's stingy with the. He's shoving up here and snapping it. Hold on Food play. Hear me out Food play with that carrot and all of his crops.

Becca: 1:16:36

He's stingy with the corn man. I also love the way like oh, somebody's broken onto my farm, I will chase them down with dogs and a scythe.

Kyle: 1:16:44

With a scythe. Okay, hear me out. Exhibitionism, Walk me through it. Partner, Like you said, you guys are just stealing. You know just those cabbages and those radishes the week before and the turnips the week before that. So they're just stealing a couple crops. He's got a big ass farm. The way that he went zero to a hundred. He has a lot of strong emotions. He feels it has to be a spectacle. He wants an audience. He wants to set an example. He wants to send a spectacle. He wants an audience. He wants to set an example. He wants to send a message. All eyes have to be on him. Zero to a hundred, very quick, so like he's absolutely into exhibitionism uh, yeah, you know what?

Becca: 1:17:28

yeah, exhibitionmer Maggot, I see it, I heard you out Words I never thought I would ever hear.

Kyle: 1:17:37

I know the sentences.

Angie: 1:17:42

I'm saying all these sentences today and it's amazing. All right well, we left this one in just because I thought it was funny to do Bill the Pony. If the pony could have any kind of kink, what would a pony's kink be? Orgies.

Kyle: 1:18:00

It is going to be biting, collaring or raw-dogging it.

Kyle: 1:18:11

Because he's a fucking pony.

Kyle: 1:18:12

He's just going to bite you in the leg.

Kyle: 1:18:13

All he's a fucking pony all he's gonna do is bite you with his collar and he's just gonna fuck the hell out of you because he's a fucking pony bite you on the back of the neck and just go at it. He's gonna bite you on the back of the neck hold you down and take that giant horse cock and just go at it. She's gonna bite you with the back of the neck, hold you down and take that giant horse cock, and just that's it, bill Raw, all the way through.

Becca: 1:18:42

You know what Bill?

Angie: 1:18:44

You, naughty boy Biting.

Becca: 1:18:48

I think I have to call it for biting Elrond's like where can I get one of those horses?

Kyle: 1:18:58

This is Shire Maid.

Becca: 1:19:00

Where did they buy Bill? Did they buy Bill at the Prancing Pony? No, no, no, no Bill. Did he come from the elves?

Kyle: 1:19:11

No, no, no, no, no. He must have.

Becca: 1:19:18

He doesn't show up, I think it was between Rivendell, and the Pass is when they get Bill, so I would think they got them from the Elves.

Kyle: 1:19:28

No, because Gandalf was the. He didn't even show up, but there was one horse in the scene, so on and so forth. I think that's where they screwed up, because they did film a scene with Tom Bombadil. I think they got him from him but they forgot to like edit him out of the movie, like Bill out of the movie in that scene. So I want to say don't quote me on that one. Someone listening will probably say it and they'll remember.

Becca: 1:19:50

Well, I know for a fact, when they let him go he goes back to Tom Bombadil. So I know Bill spends time with Tom Bombadil, but I really think that they got Bill from the Elves, I think they were supposed to have him before, but they didn't use him, I think because they probably filmed it out of.

Kyle: 1:20:04

I want to say that's where it is. It's because he's nowhere else in the movie except that one scene.

Becca: 1:20:09

Yeah, he's literally like before a minister. I don't even think you see him. They're like go home, bill. He's like I'm leaving the movie with Tom Bombadil Exactly. I'm just going to look it up really quick. They purchased him in Brie at the Prancing Pony. Fair enough, he cost 12 silver pennies 12 silver pennies.

Kyle: 1:20:28

And his name is Bill.

Becca: 1:20:30

Okay, so here's what else is messed up. So the guy that owned Bill was apparently mistreating him, but his name was also Bill, so they left the horse with the name of his abuser. No wonder he's biting.

Kyle: 1:20:42

They left the horse with the name.

Kyle: 1:20:45

That's it. He lost it and he is now officially the horse with no name. Horse with no name.

Kyle: 1:20:53

Horse with no name.

Angie: 1:20:56

Alright, we're gonna move on to the King of the Dead.

Kyle: 1:21:00

Oof.

Becca: 1:21:03

For him. I was just straight up branding. He wants to be branded. He wants to be like I don't know like they're very dedicated to their cause Of like redeeming themselves and I feel like he's all about Serving under Aragorn. Be like I don't know like they're very dedicated to their cause of like redeeming themselves and I feel like he's all about serving under aragorn. You know what I mean.

Kyle: 1:21:17

Like after that little encounter, he's like fuck yeah I think it's because their curse is why they're so hellbent on it, so they can get some fucking shut up well, isn't a curse, a brand? They've been branded by the curse no, a curse is a curse, I think. I think there's a magical aspect or an element to a curse there.

Becca: 1:21:41

Do you think a curse would brand you? What about Harry Potter?

Kyle: 1:21:44

Are we talking Harry Potter or are we talking Lord of the Rings? Okay, fair.

Becca: 1:21:49

Put me in my place.

Kyle: 1:21:51

Because then we can also say the same thing. He goes like oh, the Kraken will be hunting anyone with the black spot, you know, put me in my place, because then we can also say the same thing. Because, like, oh, the kraken will be hunting anyone with a black spot, you know, oh, you're right. In Pirates of the Caribbean that's a curse of the black pearl.

Becca: 1:22:01

When Frodo gets stabbed, he gets a black spot. So I mean that's why they can't go by, see the kraken kraken, legendary focus, shameless plug.

Angie: 1:22:13

I knew the plug. I knew the plug would come in Kraken, legendary focus, shameless plug. I knew the plug would come in.

Kyle: 1:22:18

That's what she said. That is what she said Long con. I had to wait all the way till there. I had it planned.

Becca: 1:22:27

The King of the Dead.

Kyle: 1:22:28

Does he get choked? He's into some. Does he get choked? He does, but I don't think he does. I don't think he liked it though.

Becca: 1:22:35

No, he did not like it, unless he's consenting to not consent, but it didn't look like it.

Kyle: 1:22:43

I can't pronounce it I-A-O-I. A fetish of male and male sexuality in anime manga or fantasy, yo-i towards the female audience. No, that one, um, there was all dead ghost dudes. It was all dead ghost dudes or wrestling. Oh because like he didn't have to go to kill aragon, he kind of puffed his chest out. He was going towards him. He goes, we're gonna wrestle around and like this guy's coming up in my house swinging, I'm gonna show mine's bigger. So like I'm torn between wrestling and with what the other one?

Becca: 1:23:18

is. You know what I'll give you? Yo, I'll give you that one.

Kyle: 1:23:20

I think that's how you say it, yo yeah yahweh, yeah, yahweh I'm pretty sure that's a hebrew god and we are absolutely gonna get sued come at me, me Hebrew God.

Becca: 1:23:32

You can't sue me. I have nothing. I'll sue you for all you got.

Kyle: 1:23:35

Good Time's zero. Uno reverse bitch.

Angie: 1:23:40

And we're on to the last two characters, gothmog and Shelob. Let's go with Gothmog, he's the white orc isn't he that?

Kyle: 1:23:49

was solid, that was solid. That was a very good impression of him.

Becca: 1:23:53

I'm clutching my pearls.

Kyle: 1:23:55

I'm proud of myself for that one, goth mog, that you, special guest, goth mog um, okay, hold on a second, hear me out, hear me out, he is a furry.

Becca: 1:24:16

He gives good head.

Kyle: 1:24:28

He's a furry because he's the only person we actually see on like a weapon or like a chariot or an actual physical mount. He also has that little bit of fur on his armor. I feel it's kind of like to just always keep it close by. When he's having a bad day he just kind of like rubs it and gets little tingles and whichever portion of anything below his leg works because he's got that little effed up limp.

Becca: 1:24:55

He's kind of fucky, isn't he? Yeah, yeah, honestly, like he does have a special relationship with his warg, he does. I can give you furry.

Kyle: 1:25:05

He's not so aggressive towards it and the warg seems tame.

Becca: 1:25:08

It's like the only thing he respects Exactly. Also, what a move is it to slingshot some heads?

Kyle: 1:25:14

He took it right out of Genghis Khan's playbook, yeah.

Becca: 1:25:18

We're going to go. Vlad the Impaler on these motherfuckers.

Kyle: 1:25:25

Vlad actually did that and, technically, Genghis Khan. I think what he did was that he took bodies that were infected with the plague and he just launched the whole bodies into the town. Shit Damn. Yeah, I think that's what he did Either way, either way.

Angie: 1:25:42

So our last character is Shelob and we're going to end with another animal.

Kyle: 1:25:48

I mean they literally said in that we said, they said it in the movie Mummification.

Becca: 1:25:53

That's what I put too. Oh my gosh, this fellow ain't dead.

Kyle: 1:25:57

Yeah, she sticks him with her stinger, goes limp like a bonefish, then has her way with him, wraps him up like a little Literally.

Becca: 1:26:05

Literally has his, she has his her way. Has his her way with him. Has, she has has her way with him. That was hard we way with him has she has has her way with him.

Kyle: 1:26:14

That was hard. We are literally told that is the. That's what she said. That is the only one that we are actually told what their kink is of the entire franchise. Hers actually is humification. Yeah, and one less video game talk. It's the shadow of Mordor game shadow of Mordor or shadow of war? I don't know but yes, exactly. But Shelob has a physical manifestation. That is not a gigantic, terrifying spider. They made her way too fucking sexy.

Becca: 1:26:43

They made her fine as hell. Wrap me up, mommy.

Kyle: 1:26:48

Shelobin the only other fictional like Shelobin on this knobbing she loved my knob.

Angie: 1:26:57

No big deal all right, and that's a wrap on today's lord of the rings wait, can we tally him up?

Kyle: 1:27:06

who won? You tally it up oh, who did win?

Angie: 1:27:09

I don't know, I wasn't keeping score. Okay, let's go back up. We're gonna cut all this out, so we're just doing this.

Becca: 1:27:17

You can say whatever you want right now. Uh, that was where are we going? I'm kind of bummed that the random cave octopus wasn't on our list. Kikimora yeah the Kikimora. Yeah the Kikimora. You know its name. That's only in the extended edition too. Huh, there's no octopus in the regular version.

Kyle: 1:27:43

No, it is Yep in the theatrical cut. Yeah, the octopus, I think the actual name of that creature outside of Moria, I think its name is actually the Gatekeeper, but Tolkien wrote and described it off of what the Witcher was actually based off, of the monster of the Kikimora that's described in the original Polish folklore, which is essentially just a. It's like a mix between a spider and an octopus.

Becca: 1:28:08

Terrifying, but I could see those two being similar. This was a long one one, guys, this was a marathon yeah human furniture.

Kyle: 1:28:20

Human furniture is so good.

Becca: 1:28:23

You fucking went off on rosy cotton, man, I loved it. I loved every second of that rosy cotton.

Kyle: 1:28:30

Rosy cocking like jesus, yeah rosy cock and balls that's what she's leaving she has.

Becca: 1:28:40

She has her own signature brand of the clap. It's the cotton clap. If you don't want to get that, oh my god, I'm pretty sure I won. I think you did best conversation I've had in a while. I'll say good time, that was a good one.

Angie: 1:29:04

Thanks, becca, I'll just go fuck myself. And then I spend every day on the phone with you best conversation I've ever had.

Becca: 1:29:17

Oh, it's one of those things where, like, how often do you get to crack Lord of the Rings wide open and just go in depth? You know what I mean? Like it's just fun, this is a series I fucking love, oh no, no, I get it you won, kyle.

Angie: 1:29:30

I'm gonna tease this up a little bit. Everything that I say now sounds dirty. So that's a wrap on today's Lord of the Rings showdown. With a score of 15 to 33, Kyle is clearly the winner and the king of the kink. Thanks so much for tuning in to the Black Curtain Club. We hope you've had as much fun as we did exploring middle earth's extra side seriously, who knew frodo had that kind of energy?

Becca: 1:29:59

and I really honestly didn't see that coming from rosie. But hey, that's what we're here for giving you a fresh twist on your favorite pop culture worlds well, we made it out mostly unscathed and we've got plenty more fun in store, so be sure to subscribe and review wherever you listen to your podcasts.

Angie: 1:30:17

And trust us, this is just the beginning. We plan to dive into Star Wars because, you know, those characters have layers too. Plus, we'll be exploring more of your favorite fan universes in future episodes. We've got a lot more pop culture fandoms to unravel, and we can't wait for you to join us on this ride. So until next time.

Becca: 1:30:39

May your journeys be epic, your kinks be extra and your fandoms be fierce.

Kyle: 1:30:44

You shall not pass.

Kyle: 1:30:48

Bye, bye, bye.

Angie: 1:30:58

Bye Fly, you fools. Nobody move a muscle Because I ain't doing this again, alright.

Becca: 1:31:04

Look at this fucking hell tunnel.

Kyle: 1:31:08

Thank you.